My head is currently spinning. I have spent the last few weeks searching for the perfect adoption agency for us. I have it narrowed down to 2 agencies... both Christian, and both sound great. How do I choose? Where does God need us?
I guess I need to back up. My husband, Josh, and I have decided to adopt. There are several motivations behind why we have chosen this path. I will start from the beginning...
My name is Emily, and I got pregnant during my first year of college. I was 18 years old, and I was terrified of what the future had in store for me. The father of the baby wanted me to abort...but I didn't agree with abortion. I then thought about setting up an adoption plan and making a responsible mature decision. After telling my parents I was pregnant... at 3 month along, I wanted to talk to them about putting my child up for adoption. Those thoughts were short lived after I had my second ultrasound. I got my life going on the right track, working at a law firm, and living with my parents. They agreed to help me financially, and any other way they could.
My step mother and I went and bought furniture and clothes, and countless other baby items. We had recently moved to a new house where there were already murals on the wall for a nursery... that was the room I was in. My son Landon and I would share the room, the crib was right next to my bed. I was going to be a mom, and I was finally starting to get excited.
God had other plans for me. God needed Landon in heaven, and at 26 weeks I gave birth to a tiny little guy that was just a little too small to make it. I almost died in this process...here is a link to a blog post about exactly what happened. It has been almost 7 years, and my arms yearn to hold my sweet little boy, but I know that God had a plan for me in all of that. I knew that one day, even if I had more children of my own, I wanted to adopt one as well.
Fast forward 6 years to the summer of 2012. My husband for 4 years and I have been trying to conceive for 4 years. I have PCOS and that makes things very difficult, but I knew that I could conceive because I had done it before. Josh decided that it was time for him to go to the doctor. That summer we got some pretty bad news about some infertility issues with him. Blow to my heart... I mean literally made me sick for weeks. He had several more tests done, but nothing that looked promising came of it. The doctors said that everything was working right, and that we could still possibly get pregnant, just might have some trouble.
Along comes November, and I wake up one morning unable to move the left side of my body. My symptoms get better through out the day, and I go on with my life. The next morning I wake up and it is worse... I am rushed to the ER, and hours later I find out I have had a stroke. A link to my stroke post is here. Even after all of this... doctors at the hospital still seem to think that having a child is a possibility for me, but that I need to see a high risk doctor.
I made a preconception appointment with a high risk maternal and fetal medicine doctor, and I was so excited to talk to her about getting pregnant. During my consultation with her I find out horrible news. I am at risk for another stroke, blood clots (due to my clotting disorder), preeclampsia (again), death, etc. She advises me to not get pregnant, and talk about the risks with my husband. When I get to the car I call Josh sobbing... he tried to calm me down and reminded me that I can still be a mom to a wonderful child, since we wanted to adopt anyway. I was much too angry at God at that time to realize that Josh was really trying to console me the best way he knew how. I lashed out at him and hung up the phone.
After a few weeks Josh revisited the adoption idea with me. He wants nothing more than to be a dad. He told me that when I was ready to talk about adoption that he would be on board. After I had plenty of time to deal with the predicament we were in, and after much prayer, God made things so clear to me. God wanted us to adopt... I had the stroke so that I could find out about my blood disorder and know not to get pregnant... Josh had some fertility issues and that worked in with God's plan. I truly think it was in God's perfect plan for us, to lead us to adoption sooner than later.
Fast forward to NOW. We know what God wants of us, and we know that He will provide for us during this emotionally and financially draining process. We are ready to do what it takes to answer His call. I just know that there is a baby out there for us... and that baby will be the perfect match, because God had a hand in choosing that baby just for us. We can't wait to love this child and raise it in a Christian home. I know that our parents could not be more excited for us and can't wait to become grand parents.
God has a plan for you... do you know what that plan is? Sometimes it takes years for that plan to fall in place, but He will make it clear to you if you are willing to follow Him.
Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."
Want to help? Besides praying for us during this journey, you can also help by donating at http://www.gofundme.com/2vsl1c or by purchasing a t-shirt through our online fundraiser at http://chromebuffalo.com/a/cb?drive=240. This t-shirt fundraiser will be going until May 20, 2013, so don't miss out on the chance to buy an awesome t-shirt to help us out!
