When I last posted, I told of how our hearts were broken by a mother who changed her mind when we arrived at the hospital to meet and take home the baby she had just given birth to. We were in Utah, hundreds of miles away from anyone and anything we knew. We stayed there in that foreign place for a couple of days, just because going home empty handed didn't seem like something we were up for immediately. While we were there, we visited with our social worker from the adoption agency we were involved with. She invited us into her home and let us pour out our broken hearts to her. She knew just how devastating it must have been to travel so far for nothing.
Before we left her house she told us that she wanted to get us matched as quickly as possible, because that is what they do when a failed adoption takes place. She shared some situations with us, and we really weren't interested. We didn't think our hearts could take anymore that soon. She told us that she would email me a particular birth mom situation for us to look at and consider. We were told that the birth mom would know about what had just happened to us, and that if she wasn't certain about her decision, she should just skip over our profile. She text me after leaving her house and said that maybe that situation was the reason we were really in Utah, because that birth mom was there. Josh and I talked about it briefly, and we called our consultant, Courtney, to fill her in on the latest. We told her about our reservations, but she told us this was really a great opportunity and she believed we should present, but the decision would be up to us. She also told us that she had another situation that she wanted us to present on, and the price was way less than anything else we had seen. It was for boy and girl twins. We told her that we would present on that one, but that we still weren't sure about the one in Utah.
Just a few hours later, Courtney called and said she was not going to let us present for the twins, because it ended up looking like a messy situation. She told us to still think about the situation in Utah, and to just pray about it. That night I prayed, and I prayed. I prayed without ceasing. I prayed that God would make it clear what He wanted us to do. I never got that clearness. I was so mad, because I wanted this sign from God telling me what to do! Just 30 minutes before we had to let the social worker know if we would present or not, Josh and I decided that if it was God's will, this mom would pick us. If not, then it just wasn't meant to be. We were also pretty certain she wouldn't pick us because of what she would be told about our situation, and about the certainty she must have in her decision if she chose us. I called the social worker and told her to present our profile, and we would just let God's will be done.
Since we were in Salt Lake City, Utah... and we needed to get our minds off the events the last few days, we left our hotel and headed to Park City for some sight seeing in the mountains. We went to the Olympic Park and watched some kids training on the ski jumps, and then we headed to Main Street to check out all the cool shops and eat lunch right by the slopes. When we were browsing one of the cool art shops, the social worker called. I knew what she was going to say... that because of our situation we were not chosen. Wow... I was wrong! The social worker asked if we could go pick up the birth mom in just a few hours to have dinner because she had chosen us, and she wanted us to make sure it was a good fit. Wait... what?! We were chosen? I didn't know if I was supposed to be excited or nervous or happy... I didn't know what emotion I was supposed to feel, because I had just had my heart broken, and sadness was the only emotion I had felt for days.
We ate a quick bite for lunch, and then headed back to the hotel to get ready. Neither of us were very excited or happy like most parents are when they find out they were matched. We put up a wall.... we were guarding ourselves this time, and we weren't going to let ourselves get excited. We picked up this precious woman at her apartment, and took her to eat dinner. I walked up to her door and knocked, There was never a moment of awkwardness, never a moment of silence. We were comfortable with one another, and she assured us that what had just happened to us would not happen again. She told us that on May 1st, the little girl she was carrying would officially be ours. I wanted to believe her... I really did, but I couldn't trust someone after what we had just been through. Our dinner was great, and we learned more about one another. She was just as curious about us as we were about her. We sat at dinner for a few hours and just talked. After we took her back home, we called our social worker, and Courtney to let them know how it went. We had nothing but good news to report... however, we were still uneasy.
When we headed to Utah, we thought we would be leaving with a beautiful bundle of joy. When we arrived we thought we would be leaving completely heart broken and empty handed, instead... we left with hope. When we got back home, we didn't tell anyone about our new match, because we couldn't bear to deal with telling people if it fell through. We kept quiet, and we kept our hearts guarded. I never felt certain about it at all... always questioning the agency if they really thought this mom would go through with it.
The weeks flew by, and before we knew it, it was time to book airline tickets to fly back to Utah. My heart sank when I purchased those tickets... what if we were flying into heart break again? We headed home for my step-brother's wedding, and then would be flying out of Nashville to go to Utah. The day had arrived, and my heart was still unsure. When we got to Utah, we got our rental car and headed to get the birth mom from her apartment so she could have one more good meal before being admitted to the hospital. This meal was different from the first. We didn't have as much to talk about, but I think we were all nervous about the next day. She told us that night that she wanted us at the hospital for the birth. It made me so happy to know that she wanted us there to be a part of it all.
Little did we know that next day would become the greatest day of our lives. We arrived at the hospital at 10:00 a.m. and headed to the birth mom's room. She was in labor, and was dilated 6 cm. We sat and talked to her, and watched the monitors for contractions. They were definitely getting closer and closer. I knew it was almost time for the baby to come. I asked her if I could pray with her, and she agreed, so I said a quick prayer for her safety, the safety of the baby, and that God's will would be done. As soon as I said "Amen", she asked if I could hit the call button, because she was ready to push. The nurse rushed in, and we left the room. Just moments later, a doctor came running down the hall. We were escorted by a nurse to the waiting area. About 15 minutes later, another nurse came to get us and said that the baby was here, and she wanted us back in the room. On April 30 at 11:39 a.m. Layla James Mullins had been born weighing 5 lbs 12 oz and 17 1/2 inches long. We walked in the room, and the mom had Layla in her arms extending her out to me. I took her and instantly fell in love. I handed her over to Josh and hugged this mom... thanking her for this selfless act, and for giving us the greatest gift anyone could ever give. That moment is one I will never forget.
We got to be a part of all of Layla's first... first bottle, first bath, first diaper... everything. After she was born, I never had another worry about a failed adoption. I never felt concerned that this birth mom would sign. It never occurred to me that something could go wrong... because in my world at this time...everything was so right. I was holding the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on, and I knew she was meant to be mine. We spent the rest of the day looking at this perfect baby, and soaking up every second. The hospital gave us our own room for the night, and we got to keep her in there the entire night. I honestly don't think either of us slept, because we had to make sure she was okay any time she made a peep (and that was a lot, because she is the noisiest baby I have ever been around!).
The next morning we took Layla over to the birth mom's room to spend some time with her. I have a feeling that most people would not be comfortable with this... but like I said before, I knew this child was destined to be mine from the moment I laid eyes on her. Later that day, the birth mom was set to sign and make this adoption official. We sat in the room on pins and needles waiting for the agency to let us know it was official. Finally word came, and the papers had been signed... all that was left was our signatures. This was really happening... really! After the required 48 hours in the hospital, we left with this amazingly beautiful tiny bundle of joy. We would not be going home from Utah empty handed this time, or just with the hope of a child. We got to go home with Layla, our daughter.
Two months have passed since her birth, and our lives have been filled with so much joy and happiness. Every day is something new and exciting. We love watching her grow and change. We love that we can call her ours.
Looking back... I now know that our first trip to Utah was not in vain. We were there for a reason... we were there to meet the woman that would give us the most amazing gift in the world. I am so thankful for that failed adoption, because that struggle was just part of our journey. God knows best, and he joined us with the perfect match for us.
