Imagine waking up every day wondering if this will be the day... Will this be the day that we get matched with a baby? It is frustrating, and heart wrenching, and exciting. A few weeks ago we completed our home study, which is a requirement for any adoptive parents. A social worker comes in to your home and invades your personal life. They look at all of your financial information, all of your health history, social history, how you were raised as a child, how you want to raise your child... nothing is left uncovered. Then you have to wait for them to say if you are financially, mentally, and physically capable of adopting a child. It is a truly trying time, and the paperwork is just unbelievable. Thankfully that part is over, and I thought from the beginning that would be the most difficult thing we went through.
Boy was I wrong... the first day we had an approved home study that was received by our consultant, we got a phone call about a situation with a child. I had missed the phone call and listened to her voice mail she left. I frantically called back and got the scoop. We were in the middle of Sam's Club and I had the opportunity to tell Josh about our first situation! I was excited, overwhelmed, and scared. I broke down crying from all of the emotions that flooded over me. This couldn't be happening so fast... we didn't have anything ready. We had to get on the ball, figure things out. I was terrified and excited. I just really thought this was it. I calmed down and had Josh check out at Sam's while I went outside to call my mom about the baby we were told about. She told me we needed to pray. I then called my dad... he said the same thing... pray. Josh got to the car and I held his hand, and prayed. I prayed that God's will would be done in the situation and if that was the child for us, then the birth mom would choose us. Josh told me to put our yes on the table for us to be presented to the birth mom. Then we waited.. for 2 days for an answer. She didn't choose us. Why? Were we not good enough? Was my profile I made and the letter not what she wanted to hear? All of those kinds of questions filled my thoughts. I then remembered... this baby wasn't meant for us. God already picked our baby, and this one wasn't the one.
I then received a phone call the following Monday. Two more situations came up that met our criteria. We presented to the first birth mom on Tuesday, and again my hopes were high. I had a good feeling about what was going to happen. Then I got the phone call with the decision... it wasn't us. We weren't chosen yet again. This time there were no tears and no asking why, only the reminder that he wasn't the one God planned for us.
Today we present again to another birth mom, and we likely won't have an answer until the weekend. I do hope this is the one God has picked for us, but if not, we will continue to wait for "the one". The waiting is the hardest part, not the home study or the paper work, it is the waiting that really gets me. Patience is not my strong suit, and I pray every day that God will give me more patience.
Also I have been preparing the paper work for grants/loans for our adoption... and now we must wait to see what we are approved for. The money issue is such a huge leap of faith, and we are just believing at this point that God will help us find the funds we need to get through all of this.
Hopefully in my next post, we will be done waiting, and we will have our perfect match. :)
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